Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
