She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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