just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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