i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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