if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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