this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
