I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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