two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
