Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
