It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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