Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
