Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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