he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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