Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
