i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
