He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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