i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
