I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
