1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
