I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
