so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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