you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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