it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
