Porn is love you can see.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
