Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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