i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
