So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
