She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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