Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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