Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
