I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
