So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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