Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
