Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
