I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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