Pappa wants mamma naked
im about as happy as oj after his trial
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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