She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
