Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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