i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Randomize
