can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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