Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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