i just wanna soil my oats bro
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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