In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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