Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
