I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
