Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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