I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
