Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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