Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
