Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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