So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
try to milk me bitch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
