I cannot find my penis.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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