I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
