i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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