so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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