Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
