I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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