Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dicks are not precious.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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