I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
