I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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