Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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