Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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