Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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