can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well you can't waste a boner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize