How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
