I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
