The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
